Been dumped and want your ex back?

We’ve all been dumped at some stage in our lives and it sucks! When the woman in your life fires off the final bullet to kill the relationship, it cuts deep, and often, bottle in hand, we find ourselves analyzing why things didn’t work out, what we did wrong and how we can possibly resurrect ourselves and try patch the relationship up.

But all the clichéd reasons your ex will spew forth about “why it just wasn’t working out for her” aren’t the real reasons she broke up with you.

Want to know why she fired off the final bullet like a callous executioner?


And while she will never outright tell you this, trust me that is the real reason.

So, the question you need to ask yourself is, “Do I want this chick back?”

The most important thing is to sit back and truly look at why you want your ex back, not from an emotional perspective but rather from an objective point of view (you know the whole heart vs head thing we are usually really bad at getting right). Did she really make you happy and is it really worth fighting to get this broad back?

If your answer is “Yes, I want this chick back”, and you are 100% sure of this, then these are the two steps you need to follow my friend.

Step 1 – Zero Contact

Firstly, DO NOT contact your ex, under any circumstances, for at least 4 weeks after the break up, preferably two months. And I mean zero contact, no WhatsApp messages, Facebook, 2am “I miss you” text messages after you’ve been pushing the dops back. No communication at all! The reason for the radio silence is because you want to give her some time and space away from you. Essentially, a period where you give her the time to start missing you (and she will start missing you). Even if she was the one who broke up with you, there is a distinct likelihood that she will start to think ‘why isn’t he calling me?’ ‘Has he found someone else already?’ ‘What is he up to?’ She will be expecting you to contact her, and it’s very likely that you may have been too available in the relationship, which is probably what pushed her away in the first place. The truth of the matter is women love mystery and they absolutely HATE being ignored, and that is exactly why you need to play the absentee game for a while.

Doing the whole ‘no contact’ thing for a certain period of time allows you to take back some control, but make sure you keep busy, get out there, do stuff that you enjoy and even casually date. Women find it incredibly attractive when a man shows independence, control and indifference. If you show your ex that you no longer need her in your life, that you’ve moved on, this is the only way you can actually get her back into your life.

Step 2 – Get back to what she originally found attractive

When you do eventually get in contact with her, you need to keep it light, make her laugh and even do a bit of flirting! Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about the bullet she has left lodged in your chest, and if she brings it up just let her talk about it and listen. You have given her enough time to remove all her negative emotions of you during the ‘no contact’ period so you don’t want her negative impressions of you to come to the fore.

Here’s the thing – your old relationship is dead, it’s never coming back and you don’t want it to. This is a new relationship you are creating with her, taking it slowly and gradually building that attraction she had, when she first met you, is the key. The trick is not to over complicate things, keep it very casual and fun because this is probably what you weren’t doing when things got serious between you. Don’t default back to that over comfortable, predictable, needy guy she eventually got bored of. She will smell it and will be heading for the hills in no time at all.

Gentleman, the essence of what I’m saying is when we get deeply involved in a relationship we put ALL of our focus on our women, which gives them all the power in the relationship – we make ourselves far too available, inevitably resulting in them getting bored, losing interest and finally kicking us to the curb. Women want men to be in control, to be assertive and not so damn needy –  it’s part of masculine energy vs female energy thing.

Once you’ve re-kindled a little something, just keep making dates, playing it cool, and don’t be TOO available. Always keep them second guessing, because it keeps them interested. No matter what anyone says, women don’t like men who they can walk all over and who are there at their every beck and call. It’s just not attractive to them.

She left you because she was bored of you!

If you want a second chance, you need to play the game differently this time around. Get back to the guy she liked in the first place and don’t fall into the trap of becoming too comfortable. Make her chase a little and watch things turn-around.

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6 replies on “Been dumped and want your ex back?”

We were married for 24 years and got divorce – both of us married and live our own lives for 14 years. Both got divorced again and we eventually got together again. We got engaged again and are planning to get married again! The advantages of getting together are that we have a whole family again! All our children are visiting us with their children which is great! Yes it does take time getting use to each other again! Living each day at a time is good advise and forget the bad things of the past and build on the good memories!

I’m on the process of separation with my wife. I cheated she said she forgave me but we started fighting every day and during our fights we say nasty things about each other. I now decided to end the marriage. I’m planning to move in with the girl I cheated with cos she’s pregnant and she makes me happy. But I keep wondering if I will ever want to reconcile with her. Regardless to the fact that she doesn’t make me happy and she said nasty things to me she’s is a good woman, she has those qualities that a man is looking for in a wife.

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