10 signs it’s time to go on holiday bro!

It’s that time of the year when everybody is feeling bloody irritated and pretty exhausted. Time for a summer holiday without traffic and the grind of your manic inbox? Here are 10 signs it’s time to shut your laptop down and crack open a cold beer, while you bury your feet in some sea sand.

The next guy that cuts you off in traffic is gonna land up in a box

You know it’s time for a holiday when road rage starts welling up in your belly like a bad case of indigestion – the next guy who cuts you off in traffic is looking for a proper hiding. I used to be able to manage traffic, write it off to “just one of those things you need to live with”. That was earlier in the year. Now I’ve changed my mind. Traffic is kak and assholes who disobey the basic rules of the road should be towed behind your car, naked!

You can barely wake up in the mornings

I’ve been pretty good at getting up at the crack of dawn for the last 5 months and getting a work-out in. Over the last couple of weeks, I can barely hear the cell phone ring tone gently caressing my eardrums (and it’s right next to my bed!). Once my eyelids are finally open it feels like I have been in hibernation for 6 months (ever watch the movie Cocoon?). Feel the same way? I put it down to a pretty long year.

You have mentally checked out at work

The red flagged emails are staying red and building up quicker than a Native American reserve next to a new casino. You are pushing meeting requests out until next year and making every excuse to be dropping off client Christmas gifts. Basically all that is happening is that you are mentally checking out, my friend. Your brain is starting to turn into mush – so soft you could play a zombie extra in the walking dead series. Only one way to sort this out – turn off your laptop and hang up the ‘gone fishing until mid- January’ sign.

 You can barely stay awake after dinner

Just like every self-respecting bloke out there I like a little evening couch time – put my feet up and catch a little telly. Problem is I don’t last 10 minutes without being out for the count and drooling all over the couch like a bulldog puppy. If you can’t stay away past 21H:00 then it’s a sign you probably need to sleep for an entire week. I mean like a proper dos…

Your pets are starting to avoid you

They say animals have a sixth sense. They say they are highly intuitive. When your dog is too scared to meet you at the door after work, it’s a pretty good sign that you have turned into a mean old bastard that not even a dog can love… and this is saying something. You used to throw a bone, now you just throw insults. Time for a vakansie (and take Fido with you to mend your broken relationship)

You don’t take calls from your old lady

Mothers can be irritating at the best of times, but when you’ve stopped calling your old lady back because it’s too much of a mission. If she wants to chat, she can meet you at the coffee shop around the corner from the office between your mid-day meetings. It’s a pretty good sign you are exhausted and require a break.

Your children are starting to call the neighbour “Daddy”

When the dog is ignoring you, that is one thing. When your kids are looking for a new father, in the complex you stay in, that’s when the warning bells are ringing louder than the customer complaints center at Eskom. Exhaustion has turned you into a monster, and only beer and sea sand turns monsters in loving fathers again.

You are drinking like a fish

It’s called trying to take the edge off! Problem is that it only compounds the problem when you push back 6 beers and a double whiskey every evening. That slow waking hibernation is partly because you are nursing a hang-over, coupled with a few sneaky ciggies. A couple of day’s rest and you will be enjoying a few dops, not using them to self-medicate.

Your car hasn’t been cleaned since the World Cup

When you are beat, certain things need to give, right? Just because you couldn’t give two shits, anymore! If your car has more trash in it than a hillbilly trailer park, it’s a sign you are starting to veer off the straight and narrow and down “Check Out Avenue”. A little rest and you will be out in those lekker old rugby shorts and wife beater vest waxing the family station wagon in the summer afternoon heat.

Your boss is about to catch a klap

When you want to use your boss as a human punching bag, it’s really time to clock that card. This is the warning sign you need to watch out for most. Becoming unhinged and physically assaulting your superior, means you will get some rest this December. Actually, you will be able to sleep in for a very long time, because you will be fired and unemployable (but if they deserve it, what the hell!)


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